Not Everyone Believes In Religion, but.....

Not everyone believes in religion or God. That’s fair enough. But I wish people who don’t, would stop attacking and belittling those who do.

Since the death of my husband just over 20 months ago I’ve thought a lot about religion and belief. I was raised a Catholic but as a child I struggled with their doctrine. I asked a lot of questions. Not always appreciated I might add. I drifted away from that faith when I was free to make my decisions. But, I do believe in a ‘here-after’. I’ve experienced too many things in my life to think when we pop off that’s it. I don’t know if I’m right or wrong but it’s what I believe. Whether I’ll see my husband in the ‘next life’ I don’t know. I’d like to think I will. But I don’t rely on that happening to get me through the day to day. Or to help me build a new life. But not everyone is like me.

I’ve learnt a lot about grief over the past 20 month. Particularly the grief that comes with losing a partner. I’ve also learnt a lot from networking with others in the same position as me. For some I’ve met, their belief in God is the only thing keeping them going. The belief that when their turn comes, they will be reunited with their husband sustains them. I feel deeply for these people, because I know first hand what a struggle it can be at times. But most important is this. Without their faith, they would be completely lost.

When we engage with people (particularly on social media), we don’t always know the challenges they are facing. Or, the struggles they are dealing with daily. So before you are tempted to attack someone based on their religious belief, please pause for a moment. Because you don't know if belief and hope is all the person you are attacking has and to take that away from them leaves them with nothing.

The Sound of Silence

🌺🌿🌺There is a difference between friendlessness and the loneliness and deep silence that comes with losing your life partner 

I was reminded of this in the early hours of the morning when engaging with a group of people who like me have lost their husbands.  Sharing with people, all be they strangers who are in the same situation helps. None of us are friendless. But the deep loneliness, is a very different emotion. It's the silence that's the hardest. 

And it doesn’t matter if you’re standing in the middle of a crowded room, you will still notice it.  It’s the quiet that comes when you don’t have that familiar voice whispering in your ear, “Can you believe she wore that? I mean, what was she thinking?”  It’s the missing sound of two glasses clinking together on your anniversary. It's the absence of someone surprising you on your birthday. It’s the loss of the familiar sound of someone breathing soundly next to you as you go to sleep at night. 

I don’t think that most people who haven’t experienced the loss of partner truly understand that element of solitude. I know I didn't. Whilst friends and my brother in particular are wonderful, they simply can't fill the void.

For the first time I truly understand this. 

The Tree

If you read this please don't feel sad. I believe we are all connected on this earth; humans and nature. I also believe we learn a lot about ourselves from nature. I have always loved trees and I find them a source of great inspiration. I am grateful that at this point in my life I have the time to reflect on what is around me and to take comfort from that. This is a story of hope and awakening. 

She stared at the tree, standing tall in the morning sun. Defiant as the onset of winter rips away its last vestige of self. Exposing the rawness of its inner soul; naked, unprotected.

As she reflected upon the tree, she realised it was a metaphor of her life. Just how grief rips away the shield and exposes our vulnerabilities and our rawness. We too are naked and unprotected as day by day pieces of what we once were are being torn away. 

A tear rolled down her cheeks, and as if to say I understand three crimson leaves fluttered to the ground. 

Then, an almost inaudible voice whispered please do not despair. For as with the mighty tree slowly a new self will emerge. Whenever you doubt, the tree, will be there to remind you that arising from grief is like shedding your leaves. But after that you too will be reborn it just takes time. 

As she gazed at the tree, she saw a new beauty in its rawness and she realised that to expose your vulnerabilities isn't ugly or weak as she had been telling herself. It's liberating and it's honest.

With that, she pictured the majestic tree standing tall, adorned with the fresh new leaves of spring. It was in that moment she realised the tree and she are on a journey together; she whispered a quiet thank you as three more leaves knowingly drifted to the ground. 

Sitting on the Back Step

Sitting on the Back Step

I have so many memories of sitting on the back step.
The platform where my Dad and I sat whilst searching for
  falling stars and exploring the wonders of the universe.
My place to escape and ponder the meaning of life on
  a warm spring morning after a challenging week.
My haven when the overwhelming sense of loss becomes
  so great I can hardly breathe.
My solarium to warm my chilled bones in the depth of
  winter whilst I saviour my morning coffee.
My podium from which to gaze across the bushland
  as the gentle mist rises from the valley below.
My quiet corner to sit and watch the moon rise over
  the distance horizon, turning the bushland into a
  wonderland.
My private space where I can show my unadorned face to
  the world free of judgement and expectation.
My meditation place where seduced by gentle chants I can
  lose myself in thought and find my inner-being.
My cathedral where surrounded by the melodic tones of
  bird song I'm reminded of the beautiful things in life.
Yes, I can solve all the problems of the world Sitting on my
  Back Step.
Everyone should have one, they are magical places.

~ Kate M 2017

The Dresser - A Whimiscal Moment

I'm not sure if it is because I'm getting older, or just a symptom of changes in my life but I spend a lot more time on reflection now than I used to. I was reminded of this today when I was dusting my dresser. It's the stories that create our greatest treasures not the value of the items.

The old kitchen dresser I painted and turned it into something I now love. It's a symbol of how my life is changing based on the foundation of my previous life with Richard. He will always be my base, my anchor, even though he is on longer with me.

My beautiful set of Jane Austin books.  They were given to me many years ago by Richard's mother’s best friend. It was on my first trip to England to meet my new family.

My angel wings as a reminder I'm watched over.

My Dream stone as a reminder that no matter how old you are or what life throws at you never stop dreaming. For as long as there is a dream, there is hope.

My copper bowl and egg warmer; the first things Richard & I bought together. Totally impractical but we didn't care. We were young and excited about the life ahead of. 

My small Chinese screen depicting the legend, of the Four Great Beauties the most beautiful women of ancient China. They gained their reputation for their influence on ancient Chinese history. I love the story.

My blue and metal encased bottle; this has no particular story apart from remembering a lovely trip to Berrima where I bought it.

My native doll; a gift from a favourite nephew on his return from one of his holidays in the US.  

My beautiful pottery vase from Malaysia; a gift from a much admired friend and a reminder of the happy times full of collective challenges and successes. 

A piece of blue agate; I bought this just because it's beautiful. Stones are my connection to our ancient past.  

A small carved Buddhist token hanging on a red cord; a reminder of our spiritual side and the importance of calmest and being centred in life.

A red glitter heart; a token from the last bunch of Valentines flowers I received.  

Two cats in a wooden boat. A gift from someone who is on longer with us and who knew I love cats. 

Books containing beautiful and inspiring messages all treasured items from people I hold dear. When I'm feeling down I'm sure to find something contained within to lift my spirits.

And my latest orchid; so tiny but stunningly beautiful and the most touching reminder that it's the little things in life which bring us the most joy.  

We all have so much to be thankful for. But sadly in this materialistic world we have a habit of chasing things that in reality only bring us fleeting joy. Perhaps, we just need to take the time to sit quietly and reflect. Focus on the little things that really mean something. Memories cost nothing.

But for me, it’s back to the dusting. Some things never change.

Have a blessed day.

The Firsts of Seconds

Birthdays: I need not be reminded of years ticking over. As we get older (despite there being no guarantee of longevity) the probability is we will reach the tipping point. The point where the odds are we have less years ahead of us than behind us. I'm at that point based on family history. It's a sobering thought.

Well today is my birthday. It's the day I face the ‘first of the seconds’. It's my second birthday without my soul mate. While I've never been a fan of birthdays, one thing I could always look forward to was being spoilt. Coffee and pressies in bed; he always chose perfect presents. Jewellery as most who know me well know was a particular favourite. New toys such as iPads, Cameras, or Laptops to appease my inner nerd were embraced with gusto. Tickets to zoom away for a much needed holiday have been on the agenda. Mystery tour weekends and tickets to a show were often on the menu.  Lunch somewhere fab by the water and I always received flowers. Yes, I was spoilt. But to be fair I did the same for him.

Last year was tough. Facing the ‘firsts of’ is particularly hard. At least it was for me. My birthday 2016 was the first big special day I had to face without the love of my life. To make it worse it was only 3 months after his passing. I got through it, with the help of my family and friends. In fact I spent a lovely few days up the coast enjoying the serenity and peacefulness of Kendal and Port Macquarie with my nearest and dearest. But as each special day approached I was overwhelmed by sadness and loss. Some days were harder than others. I'm sure everyone who has to face loss understands that.

So onto 2017 and hence my ‘firsts of the seconds’ begin.  This year I am spending my birthday on my own. I wanted it that way, just me and my cat. I discovered this morning one of my Nephews' and his fiancée were planning a surprise visit. They encountered a mechanical problem on route and had to turn back to Canberra. While it would’ve been wonderful to see them and I'm so appreciative of the thought, what I need today is quiet time. The universe works in mysterious ways at times to give us what we need.

I need time to think, to write, and a time to remember. I’ll watch the F1 from Melbourne. It is first race of the season. F1 was a shared passion. We never missed a race despite the ungodly hour of many of the races. Mostly I'll soul search. It's part of healing.

My heart aches but I'm not overwhelmed by sadness. It's more a recognition the threads to the past grow ever longer. Each notch along the way is a step to acceptance and healing. Counting the milestones; is an attempt to hang on as long as I can to the vivid memories. Time will dim the vividness. I dread the day but it will happen.

As usual I seek solace in words be it writing or reading and I am reminded of this wonderful Winnie the Poo quote;

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” ~ Winnie the Poo

I give thanks everyday for that.

It's In The Valley's I Grow

I received this poem from a friend today. I had one of those ‘hit the wall’ day's yesterday. They creep up on me from time to time. So as usual my friends timing was perfect.

I thought I would share it because I know many of my friends are going through tough times. Some, as I am, dealing with grief. Some battling health issues and others just struggling with life. None of us sail through life without having to deal with dark places.

It’s also a good reminder that we learn from experiencing dark places. When we are in them, we often can’t see a way out. We can’t see the light. But if we can take a moment to really think about ourselves for a minute and try to not be consumed by the problem, it's surprising how much strength we gain. In addition. we learn so much about ourselves and how to deal with difficult periods in our life which is a good thing. That's what “It’s In The Valley’s I Grow” says to me.

In times like this I am constantly reminded that for every adversity there is the seed of equivalent or greater benefit. With faith, we will endure.

I hope you enjoy it.

A beautiful poem to help get us through the dark places on our life's journey.

'It's in the Valleys I Grow'
by Jane Eggleston

'Sometimes life seems hard to bear
Full of sorrow and woe
It's then I have to remember that it's in the valleys I grow.

If I always stayed on the mountain top
And never experienced pain
I would never appreciate Gods love
And would be living in vain

I have so much to learn
And my Growth  is very slow
Sometimes I need the mountain tops
But it's in the valleys I grow

I do not always understand
Why things happen as they do
But I am very sure of one thing
My Lord will see me through

My little valleys are nothing
When I picture Christ on the cross
He went through the valley of death
His victory was satan's loss

Forgive me Lord for complaining
When I'm feeling so very low
Just give me a gentle reminder
That it's in the valleys I grow

Continue to strengthen me , Lord
And use my life each day
To share your love with others
And help them find their way
Thank you for the valleys Lord, for this one thing I know
The mountain tops are glorious
But it's in the valleys I grow.