Not Everyone Believes In Religion, but.....

Not everyone believes in religion or God. That’s fair enough. But I wish people who don’t, would stop attacking and belittling those who do.

Since the death of my husband just over 20 months ago I’ve thought a lot about religion and belief. I was raised a Catholic but as a child I struggled with their doctrine. I asked a lot of questions. Not always appreciated I might add. I drifted away from that faith when I was free to make my decisions. But, I do believe in a ‘here-after’. I’ve experienced too many things in my life to think when we pop off that’s it. I don’t know if I’m right or wrong but it’s what I believe. Whether I’ll see my husband in the ‘next life’ I don’t know. I’d like to think I will. But I don’t rely on that happening to get me through the day to day. Or to help me build a new life. But not everyone is like me.

I’ve learnt a lot about grief over the past 20 month. Particularly the grief that comes with losing a partner. I’ve also learnt a lot from networking with others in the same position as me. For some I’ve met, their belief in God is the only thing keeping them going. The belief that when their turn comes, they will be reunited with their husband sustains them. I feel deeply for these people, because I know first hand what a struggle it can be at times. But most important is this. Without their faith, they would be completely lost.

When we engage with people (particularly on social media), we don’t always know the challenges they are facing. Or, the struggles they are dealing with daily. So before you are tempted to attack someone based on their religious belief, please pause for a moment. Because you don't know if belief and hope is all the person you are attacking has and to take that away from them leaves them with nothing.

The Sound of Silence

🌺🌿🌺There is a difference between friendlessness and the loneliness and deep silence that comes with losing your life partner 

I was reminded of this in the early hours of the morning when engaging with a group of people who like me have lost their husbands.  Sharing with people, all be they strangers who are in the same situation helps. None of us are friendless. But the deep loneliness, is a very different emotion. It's the silence that's the hardest. 

And it doesn’t matter if you’re standing in the middle of a crowded room, you will still notice it.  It’s the quiet that comes when you don’t have that familiar voice whispering in your ear, “Can you believe she wore that? I mean, what was she thinking?”  It’s the missing sound of two glasses clinking together on your anniversary. It's the absence of someone surprising you on your birthday. It’s the loss of the familiar sound of someone breathing soundly next to you as you go to sleep at night. 

I don’t think that most people who haven’t experienced the loss of partner truly understand that element of solitude. I know I didn't. Whilst friends and my brother in particular are wonderful, they simply can't fill the void.

For the first time I truly understand this.