Life has a way of steering us in the right direction if we are open to trusting our inner voice and if we have the courage to ‘just do it’..
I’ve been on an enormous personal journey over the last three years and nine months. It has almost been overwhelming. At other times it’s been enlightening. In the last two weeks I’ve understood how far away from my true self I’ve been for such a long time. I guess that’s a symptom of living with someone else. Over time ‘me’ becomes ‘we’ and the ‘me’ adapts to that. Often in that process we lose some of who we are as individual people. That said, I wouldn’t have changed any of my past life for anything. But for us to move on we need to find us again. That’s difficult because it’s like a rebirth.
I think of it as being like the cicada breaking out of its shell. After 2 - 17 years (underground), cicadas emerge from the ground as nymphs. Nymphs climb the nearest tree and begin the process of shedding their nymph exoskeleton. Free of their old skin, their wings will inflate with fluid and their adult skin will harden. Once their new wings and body are ready, they can begin their adult life.They transition from one life to the next. That’s what those dealing with grief have to do. It is what I’ve been doing; transitioning. I’ve a little way to go but I’m almost there.
Which brings me to my new home. The moment I walked in the front door I knew I was home. Even my brother commented on that. I committed to buy within 15 minutes the connection was so strong. I believe in the influence of numbers and my new house number is 10 which converts to a 1 number. The 1 home is a place to show independence. I’ve always been independent. But the rest is interesting & explains my immediate connection.
It’s all about “#1” the 0 softens the harsher edges of 1 and 1 energy promotes innovation, individuality, ambition, drive and leadership.
People who live in a 10 home will be encouraged to keep their independence. Living in a number 10 home also teaches them about self-confidence, about courage, determination, and most importantly falling forward.
I like the falling forward bit...it’s an adaption from John Maxwell’s “failing forward’. The hardest step is always the first one. Fear of failing is something all of us are challenged by. But, we can’t let fear be the excuse. It’s proceeding despite it. This is the scariest thing I’ve ever done but knowing where I’m going has made it feel less fearful.
And losing someone batters your self-confidence and courage. Which has been a real challenge for me as someone who has always been confident and taken risks. When Richard died I ended up the exact opposite very quickly. It’s one of the reasons why I needed to move.
In Feng Shui a 10 home symbolises the energy of new beginnings, a freshness, an open and unobstructed flow. That’s perfect. My new home is all about openness and free flow.
I have to drive by a memorial garden to get to my new home. I will put Richard to rest there. He can’t live in the bookcase forever. I had his ashes put into 2 urns when he died. My plan was to take one back to the UK to be with his mum & dad. But I’m not doing that now. One will go into the memorial garden. One we’re scattering off Rainbow Beach at sunset. There will be bubbles (Pol Roger his favourite) sharing the most wonderful memories and lots of laughter. I know he will always be close by keeping a watchful eye.
Someone whose opinion I’ve learnt to value said yesterday, “The fact that it is a ‘you’ place and a whole new life spins off from there must be really energising.” It is. Now I understand why I had such an immediate connection. It will be where I become me again. It’s also such a relief to know that my little fur ball and I won’t be homeless. We’ve only a week between settling on our current home and our new one. I know Aslan will love it.
So on October 15 when I pick up the keys, I will finally close the chapters on one book, open the door and start writing the first chapter of my new book.
The Book of Me
