Losing
a loved one suddenly is like being thrown into the deep end without water
wings. Now I’m over the shock, denial and anger it has forced me to take time
to think about how I deal with learning to release and to address how I live my
life alone.
I
recalled a conversation I had with a deeply spiritual friend many years ago on
the passing of my sister. She said your sister can’t settle Kate she’s stuck in
limbo because you can’t let her go. I
was surprised but, I had felt a huge cloud hanging over me and I didn’t know
why.
Shortly
after our conversation I was on holiday in the UK. I visited my spiritual home of
Glastonbury. My husband and I had walked up Glastonbury Tor at dawn. It’s a place
which holds special meaning for me. Inside the Tor was what looked liked a beggar.
We talked to this man for about 20 minutes. He wasn’t a beggar he was in fact a
wise man. He said to us you have recently lost someone dear to you and you know
what you need to do. It’s a conversation I will never forget. Richard and I sat
down on the grass and both whispered it’s time to go Di. Shortly after two
white birds circled above our heads and I knew it was my mother and my sister.
The cloud lifted and we were overcome by a feeling of peace. As I work my way through my current challenge
I thought about this experience and how it applied to now.
When
years of plans, dreams and hopes are shattered in a split second it isn’t
something we get over quickly. It’s only natural for us to want to hang onto
what was. But, as I approached the second anniversary of my husband’s passing I
wondered if I was being selfish in trying to hold on. If my hanging on was
stopping him from moving on himself.
I
believe there is more to our existence than life on this earth. Despite sharing
a wonderful and fulfilling life together, it is natural for me to accept my
husband has gone to a better place. It is a place where he is free from the
tribulations of life on earth. I’ve accepted his time had come. Now I need to
face the reality of a ‘new time’ myself. For the first time I understood if I truly
loved him I needed to let him go. I told him I was OK and it was OK for him to
move on. I felt freedom and happiness returning.
My
husband and I stood by each other through thick and thin. He never deserted me
in a time of need, or I him. So he would not settle until he was 100% sure I
was OK. I sense he is now settled and is enjoying watching me grow again. I
talk to him every day and I know his spirit is around me encouraging me to get
on with life. He gives me a gentle nudge when I need it. I hear him chuckle
when I do stupid things likewise he cheers me on when I succeed.
I
will always miss his physical presence; his lovely face, his smile and his
laughter. I miss having him here to share things with and to give me a hug when I
need one. But because I love him and I
want him to be happy in his new life, I needed to set his spirit free. In doing
so I believe our spiritual sides are now connected on a different level. My
spirit just hasn’t made the final journey yet. I don’t know when it will. In
the meantime I’m using what time I have left to be the best I can at whatever I do. I
will always be grateful for the years Richard and I had together. I am also grateful
for the life I still have.
This lovely message says it all..
A Message From Heaven
I have not left you.
I am simply enjoying the next stage of
my life so please, do not cry.
Rejoice in the fact that I am happy.
Remember that I will always love you
and smile because one day we shall
meet again.
