I have always believed that when our loved ones depart this earth, they find a way to send us a sign. In essence, to bring us comfort when we need it, to let us know they are OK and to let us know we are not alone. We just have to be receptive to receive those messages. I have many personal examples of signs, including one that involved my darling cat Winston.
So to the story of the Ladybird and the Daisy
Whenever I gave Richard a pressie I would stick a little wooden Ladybird on the card envelope. I love Ladybirds and they go so well with the free form flower I always draw to go with it. A few days before Richard passed away, I found one the Ladybirds inside a kitchen cupboard. I stuck it on a cupboard door. A couple of days after Richard died I noticed the Ladybird was on the bench top below. I stuck it back onto the door, it stayed there all day, but next morning it was on the bench top again. This scenario went on for some days. I would stick the Ladybird back onto the door and I’d check it was still there before I went to bed. In the morning there it would be, on the bench top.
The light goes on, put it inside the cupboard to test. Strike me down next morning it was on the bench top. I gave up and it's lived on the bench top since. I shared this story with people who know Richard and their comments have all been, that is so typical of Richard. It is indeed.
This past week has been an exceptionally trying week for me. As I understand more about the seven stages of grief, I understand I have moved into the depression, reflection, loneliness stage. One of the downsides of living in my head is, I have to analyse everything to death and to find meaning. For someone who is always so in control of their life and usually their emotions many of the emotions and the inability to control them that this stage brings is a challenge. The endless ‘but why’ questions drive me insane and the feeling of foreboding that the black clouds will never lift are just horrible. But the universe has a habit of bringing help when you least expect it.
I had visitors for morning tea yesterday. I don’t mind admitting I was feeling anxious. Not because of who was coming, because they all mean a great deal to me and I was so looking forward to catching up. It was because of me. The mere mention of Richard’s name this past week would render me into uncontrollable weeping. There is nothing worse than a soggy cupcake.
This is where the Ladybird and the daisy connection comes in again. I heard my visitors coming down my driveway and went out to meet them. I am greeted by a dear little poppet holding out a this lovely bunch of flowers.
They couldn’t have been more perfect; so very Kate colours; soft pastels. Stuck to one of the flowers - a little wooden Ladybird. Even more delightful was the fact that it was stuck to a daisy which is my favourite flower. I felt my dark clouds lifting. I had the most enjoyable couple hours and not a soggy cupcake or Macaron in sight.
I am usually very open to receiving messages, but the past couple of weeks there has been nothing and I think that is what has led to me hitting the wall. It wasn’t until this morning that the penny dropped that there has been a sign there all along. A single daisy flower in my front garden. It never registered with me until I started to pen this piece this morning. Just to prove I’m not completely bonkers here is a pic. It's on its last legs now, but it has been there for about two weeks. Just one flower.
I can hear Richard’s laugh as he whispers “For heaven's sake open your eyes you ‘daft apeth’.” In case you are wondering what a ‘daft apeth’ is, it’s a northern England equivalent of the term Muppet. It's often used by the Brits as a term of endearment when a loved does something wrong or is slow on the uptake. Richard always used it and I in turn would call him a twit.
My beautiful flowers will eventually wither and die, but the little Ladybird will stay as a reminder that regardless of how bleak the world looks, if we ask for help, or for a sign and if we have enough faith we will receive it. Mind you, the messenger will not always be as cute as yesterday, but there will be one. I just have to keep my eyes open.
