Now I am entering my third year on my own I’ve had the benefit of time to reflect on what next. I should preface this in saying these are my thoughts. The decisions I make I make in my best interests. Each must chose their own path.
When my husband died, I was devastated. It matters little if we know someone’s life will be cut short or not; we are never prepared. We are definitely not prepared for sudden death as in my case. The death of a spouse is the worst thing many of us will ever have to deal with in our lifetime. We face a whole gambit of emotions packed into the shortest of timeframes; the lost, the loneliness, the anger, the shock the denial and, the numbness. The list is endless. I thought I’d never recover but time brings new insights. Whilst time doesn’t heal it brings with it acceptance that I can’t change what happened no matter how hard I wish.
When we lose a spouse, it’s all too easy to give up on life. To just sit and wait for our time to come. But is it the right thing for me? I know it isn’t. These are my reasons;
Life, is a gift. Whilst the time I shared with Richard was the most important time of my life. My life is about more than just him and me.
My parents gave me the gift of life. They loved me and cared about me until I was old enough to make my way in the world. But their loving and caring didn’t stop at that point. They always wanted the best for me. Sadly, both of my parents have gone but their faith in me and caring has not stopped. They wouldn’t want me to give up now. They invested too much of themselves in me. If they were still here, it would break their hearts to see me stop living. Whenever I faced a tough patch in life my dad would say, you are not a quitter Kate. When you hit a brick wall find a way around it or over it but don’t let it beat you. He was right I’m not a quitter.
My second life started the day I met Richard. From the first moment I laid eyes on him I knew I would marry him. We were married about a year after we first met at work. Some described our marriage as a fairy-tale. It wasn’t. We made a life vow and we honoured those vows. The challenges we faced in life strengthened us as individuals and as a couple. It taught us we could survive anything. We shared a wonderful life. I loved him more than life. I would have killed anyone who hurt him. Woe betides anyone who hurt me. No one was immune including my dad who criticised me in front of Richard one day. He never did it again. Thankfully dad laughed about it later when he commented how devoted and protective Richard was of me.
Richard was my rock. He cared about me, and only ever wanted the best for me as I did for him. So I asked myself what would he want for me now? He would want me to be contented with my life. True and ever-lasting happiness might take more effort. But, there are still many things to be happy about albeit I’m not over the moon in not having Richard here to share things with. I believe Richard would be shattered if he thought I was not coping and my life was full of sadness. It would be exactly the same if things were reversed. I would be shattered.
I was happy before I met Richard. I was blessed to have him and to have the wonderful memories we created together. I owe it to him to be happy again. I consider this a celebration of his life and, our life, together. Because the person I’ve become results from the wonderful experiences I’ve enjoyed in life.
I can honestly say I am contented with my life now. I’m blessed to enjoy the freedom to choose how I live and, who I share my life with. I choose happiness. I’m doing this not only for Richard but for all those who loved me and, those who still do. And, I’m doing it for me. I’m looking forward to 2018. Change keeps popping up everywhere and, it will be a year of change for me. Hopefully change for the better but it means I have to put the effort in. I’m sensible enough to know there will be days when I hit the wall. It’s often Mother Nature’s way of keeping us grounded. The key is to keep focusing on the miracles. Thich Nhat Hanh wrote so beautifully about the miracles of life. These words really resonated with me.
“When we are mindful, deeply in touch with the present moment, our understanding of what is going on deepens, and we begin to be filled with acceptance, joy, peace and love…Around us, life bursts with miracles–a glass of water, a ray of sunshine, a leaf, a caterpillar, a flower, laughter, raindrops. If you live in awareness, it is easy to see miracles everywhere. Each human being is a multiplicity of miracles. Eyes that see thousands of colors, shapes, and forms; ears that hear a bee flying or a thunderclap; a brain that ponders a speck of dust as easily as the entire cosmos; a heart that beats in rhythm with the heartbeat of all beings. When we are tired and feel discouraged by life’s daily struggles, we may not notice these miracles, but they are always there.”
God bless. I wish you all the best for the New Year. And, I pray those who are struggling with life, find peace in 2018 as they discover the true miracles of life.
~HAPPY NEW YEAR~
