As I approach the third anniversary (8 December to be precise) I find myself slipping into reflective moments of what if’s and if only’s. It is with that in mind I pen this; it is so sad that so many of our loved ones never get the chance to leave us a message. I think if mine had it would have been something like this.
“If my passing has left a hole in your heart I want you to start filling it with the memories of the love we shared. When you are feeling sad and lonely as you will I want to think of those memories. They will nourish and enrich you and they will inspire to continue to go on and to create your own memories.
Fill it with laughter as you remember those happy times when we laughed until we cried. There were many of those.
I want you to fill it with the dreams we shared and how we felt when together we realised those dreams. And, I want you to find time in your life to create new dreams because without dreams we have nothing.
Find space in your heart to fill it with the memories of the challenges we faced together and how we overcame those challenges. I know my leaving is a huge challenge, perhaps the biggest you will ever face. With all my heart I would never have wished for you to be facing this challenge alone. Whilst I’m not there with you, I will be walking beside you, never doubt that. You are not alone.
My time in this life has ended, but yours hasn’t. I want you to live your life because your life plan is not yet complete. I don’t want the memories of our life together to hold you back. That would completely break my heart. Instead use those memories to inspire you to continue to live the rich and fulfilling life you deserve to live.
Above all else remember this. I too am trying to fill a hole in my heart because I have left you. We will mend our hearts together just as we always did”
I sometimes wonder if those who leave us suddenly know deep within their subconscious mind they are leaving. I think back often to the last day and night we spent together. What a joyous time it was and indeed I did laugh so much I had to beg him to stop my sides were aching so much. We talked about such a lot on the last evening about life, our dreams and our challenges.
The next morning with no warning he was gone. But those memories of that last day in particular have helped me out of so many black holes.
I’m pleased to say the hole in my heart is getting smaller. I doubt it will ever be completely filled, but that is OK. On those dark days I do think of all we did and achieved together and that inspires me to find and enjoy happiness now. Grief is indeed a journey of self-discovery but I believe that has made me stronger.
I sometimes wonder if those who leave us suddenly know deep within their subconscious mind they are leaving. I think back often to the last day and night we spent together. What a joyous time it was and indeed I did laugh so much I had to beg him to stop my sides were aching so much. We talked about such a lot on the last evening about life, our dreams and our challenges.
The next morning with no warning he was gone. But those memories of that last day in particular have helped me out of so many black holes.
I’m pleased to say the hole in my heart is getting smaller. I doubt it will ever be completely filled, but that is OK. On those dark days I do think of all we did and achieved together and that inspires me to find and enjoy happiness now. Grief is indeed a journey of self-discovery but I believe that has made me stronger.
