We Are Constantly Changing, Even If We Think We’re Not

It’s now a little over two-and-a-half years since my husband died. It’s been a challenging journey. But I’m now of the belief that a lot of what they write about grief holds us back, rather than encouraging us to move forward. Some people like myself will rise above it but so many don’t or can’t and it breaks my heart. Those people need encouragement and belief in themselves rather than being told it’s OK to sit in the corner crying their eyes out year after year. 

Someone posted this meme on a support group site this morning.

After reading through the various comments which followed the meme I felt compelled to say something. I started off in stating my views will be different to many expressed. But, that each of us has to approach life based on what works best for us. That’s what I’ve been doing.

Over recent months I’ve tried to look at life as a series of changes. Death of a loved one has an impact but so does so many other experiences in life. As an example so does getting older. We are always changing the self we were. Who we were at 18 wasn’t the self we were at 30 or 40. We are at 40 will not be the self we are at 70 or 80.

We admit we've changed in the past but believe we'll be the same person in the future. We won’t be and we would never be. Death of a loved one is simply one thing in life that changes us but it’s not the only thing.

I no longer think of grief as the thing that controls me as a result I’m more contented with my life. I believe grief has made we wiser, and it’s made me more understanding of myself. That is a good thing.

Every experience in life is an opportunity to learn. Even the most harrowing of experiences like losing my soul mate.

“It's still ok to dream with a broken heart.” ~ Nikki Rowe. In fact, that is exactly what we should be encouraging each other to do. 

One Kind Word.....

All things happen for a reason. 

A couple of years ago I noticed a very elegant elderly lady in my local shopping village. She looked fantastic & I couldn’t let the opportunity pass by without saying something to her. It’s not something I normally do. I told her she looked very elegant. She smiled and said thank you. She mentioned no one ever tells her that anymore. I thought it was a bit sad, but we went our separate ways and I never thought about it again until this week. 

On Wednesday I was out shopping at a large regional centre. As I was paying for one of my purchases, the woman behind the counter told me I looked fantastic. She asked if I’d just had my hair done. I mentioned I hadn’t I just have a good stylist who makes it easy for me to do it myself. I thanked her and told her she’d made my day which was true. 

It was later whilst driving home I recalled meeting the elderly woman. In that moment I understood how she must have felt when I complimented her. I realised, how much I miss compliments and how important they are for our feelings of wellbeing and self-worth. My late hubby always told me how nice I looked. When I was feeling low, he would always say something positive to lift my spirit. Now I’m on my own there is no one to do that. I realised how much I miss it. 

We all need a boost now and then. More so those of us who are dealing with loss when for many our feelings of self-worth have been severely shattered. When a loved one dies, an important source of positive reinforcement dies as well. That hadn’t really dawned on me until this week. 

Positive reinforcement is so important. Particularly so when it’s in the form of a heartfelt compliment received from people we have never met. 

I think that lady (some years ago) came into my life (albeit fleetingly) to remind me of the importance of being spontaneous. Not to feel shy about giving someone you’ve never met a boost. Trust me, it can make all the difference. I’m so glad I made the connection this week. Lesson learned. 

You see all things do happen for a reason.