The Power of Yet

Losing our life partner, for most of us, is the hardest thing we have ever had (or will ever have) to deal with. And it is for the rest of our life that we have to. It is not one of those things that we just “get-over” or cure. It can be utterly debilitating and it can so easy to just give up. 

However, I’m a believer that we can and need to keep going. It’s not easy by any stretch but those who loved us (and still do) would want us to at least try. That is where the Power of Yet can play a very important role. 

If we just pick one thing we can’t do and change how we deal with that, it can and will make a difference. Once we have fixed one, move onto the next thing. Just work through the list one at a time and as we tick each one off, our lives will change. It doesn’t matter how long it takes, we simply work at our own pace. 

Life may never be as happy or filled with love that it once was, but we can find peace and contentment. That is so much better than where many of us were and, sadly, many still are. So each time we hit a wall and can not do something rather than say I can not do this, add YET. ♥️♥️♥️

I posted this on a community page I share for people who have lost their husbands or wives. But this principle can apply to any challenge in life not just dealing with grief. Changing how we approach obstacles can make all the difference. 

Something Special Happened To Me Today

I was walking on the beach searching for shells. Shells are usually perceived as feminine; a symbol of birth, good fortune, and resurrection. We could all do with some good fortune. 

On the way down to the beach, I walked by a Scottish Thistle. It reminded me of my childhood in the country. We used to wait for them to dry and go a beautiful silver and we’d used them as chandeliers in our cubby house. It was a nice memory but nothing more that the time. 

I was walking along the waters edge trying to spy a nice shell specimen but it’s very hard to find perfect shells on an open coastline like ours. I’d walked some distance and couldn’t find anything that wasn’t broken. Then I was suddenly struck by an overwhelming feeling of loneliness. Lonely in the sense of missing those who have left, particularly Richard and of course my mum, dad, and sister. I felt very sad, very alone

However, I kept walking and then I realised in front of me was one beautiful shell after another. I picked up three. On the way back, I looked for a shady area to just rest and breathe in the salt air. I found a rocky spot at the edge of the sand near the bush and sat down. I looked to my side and to my amazement there on the rock was this beautiful, slightly weather-worn but almost perfect shell. I picked it up to add to the three I already had. 

I wasn’t far from the steps leading up to the walkway home and a beautiful black and white border collie raced up to me. I had noticed her sitting with her owner. He waved and I waved back. She reminded me of my childhood border collie, Lassie. I found out her name is Emmie. She is a beautiful dog, I could have easily stolen her. 

So what is the amazing bit? I believe when people leave us, they still keep an eye out for us. Particularly in those moments when we are feeling low. They show us they’re around in leaving signs. Two of the people most dear to me showed me today; my dad and my Richard. 

My dad always told us how amazing our chandeliers were. He also knew how special Lassie was to me. Richard knows I love shells and symbolism. You see we never truly walk alone despite how we feel at times. 

Just those three little things; a thistle, a shell and a dog can have so much meaning. They certainly did for me today. 

The Influence of Numbers in Our life

When a partner dies we never believe we will be able to live again. I know I thought that way. But time and our approach and most importantly the positive influences in our lives proves otherwise for most of us. Yesterday was one of those major turning point for me. What strikes me is the influence of the number 6 and the impact that is having on my life. 

Anniversaries, following the death of a loved one are never easy. Yesterday, being my birthday was the first anniversary day of the 6th year. 

I’ve never been that into celebrating events, but Richard was. He always made a big deal out of my birthday. The last five years I’ve dreaded my birthday and usually spent the day by myself having a good old sob. Or putting on a brave face until I could escape back to the sanctuary of home and then feeling utterly miserable. 

But yesterday, being the 6th without him, was completely the opposite. I had a great day with not one hint of sadness. Just brilliant company, fabulous food and wine, and lots of laughs. Not one tear was shed, and I just thought that Richard would have loved the day. 

So, where does 6 come into it? Well, it’s the 6th birthday without him. April 17: I’m moving into my number 6 house. April is the 4th month; add 4,1,7 = 12 div by 2 = 6. 

The number 6 is the most harmonious and caring number. It projects the attributes of charm (I might have to work on this one 😊), amity, love, care, compassion, friendship, insight, health, beauty. It is the only number that has more positive qualities and less negative qualities when compared to any other number. 

A house number 6 promotes the artistic expression of the dweller. It’s the perfect home for people who love cooking (I’ve just got back into that) painting, writing and music (my passions). Dwellers also like symmetry and refinement. 

I have a good life and I’m very grateful for what I have. However, since Richard died, there’s always that black cloud hanging above. On anniversary days that’s when it’s the blackest. After yesterday I feel that cloud is not so black, and it’s moved higher up and that is such a great feeling. 

I can’t wait to see how the rest of year six turns out and I just know it’s going to be fabulous.

Finding The Artists of the Spirit

 Last week a friend posted this. It happens to be one of my favourite pieces. 

“I have learnt to surf the waves of anguish which roll through, the waves now less frequent and less intense.” 

It’s a beautiful statement that was written by Monica Zwolsman when telling her story of being widowed twice and facing the death of her 16-month-old son. Her book is well worth a read. 

Monica prefaced her waves statement in saying. “Of course the deep sorrow and horror of my past never go away and it is always lurking in the neighbourhood of my mind. But I have learnt to surf the waves of anguish which roll through, the waves now less frequent and less intense.” 

I resonate with that. She is right; the waves do become less frequent and intense, but now and then they do rise and viciously crash over me. This is one of those weeks. It’s a combination of several things, but mainly the fact that I’m about to embark on another major life change. Another one that Richard won’t share. With each change, the threads to my past life become ever more fragile and thin as the chapters of my new life are written. 

So in search of motivation I found this beautiful piece written by ~ Joshua Loth Liebman. 

“The melody that the loved one played upon the piano of your life will never be played quite that way again, but we must not close the keyboard and allow the instrument to gather dust. We must seek out other artists of the spirit, new friends who gradually will help us to find the road to life again, who will walk the road with us.”

So what does finding my artists of the spirit really mean. After a bit of soul searching and exploring, this is what it means to me. 

When we dig deeper into our being, we understand that we have so many pressures in life. It’s understandable that many of us feel overwhelmed, pushed and pulled. It’s not only by the pressures we place on ourselves, but it’s by the emotions and manipulations of others. When that happens, we get out of balance; we’re not centred. That’s when we stray, off course. With that, we give or leak our power, away. 

When that happens we lose our energy. That makes us tired, unmotivated and even afraid. If this goes on long enough, we become sick and even depressed. We don’t always speak our truth because we are afraid we’ll lose love and connection. But in not doing so, we often lose the love and connection with ourselves. 

On reflection, finding the artists of the spirit is about finding ourselves. Taking back our power and speaking our truth. Cleansing our souls and our surroundings of negativity. It is about our deeper spirituality. The spirituality of how we live life day by day, moment by moment. It is the way we do what we do and the energy, quality, sincerity, determination, attention, character we carry for living our life. The foot prints and energy we leave as we go. 

I said to a friend last week that I wanted to get back to a simple life. That means the connection of body, mind, energy and spirit. Combining the four elements air, fire, water and earth.

The Element of Air represents our mental body - our mind, thinking, perceptions and analysing. 

The Element of Fire represents energy and our energetic body. The action of fire is about movement–in body, mind, energy and life.

The Element of Water represents our emotional body. The action of water is opening, flow and fluidity. 

The Element of Earth represents our physical body and the action of earth is supporting and nourishing ourselves - inside and out.

Today I took the first step in creating my new environment. I went down to my new home and burnt white sage to purify the place and cleanse it of negative energy. I will at least start with a clean slate. Exploring my artists of the spirit will be a fascinating journey. 

MY NEW TREE - I’VE NAMED HER FAITH

I spied this tree on the walk to Rainbow Beach. It reminds me of the last 12-months. Doing major things on your own and facing enormous challenges on your own isn’t easy. Especially when you haven’t had to do that ever in your life. 

When I spied this tree, it reminded me of my last 12-months. Settling in to a new community and making new friends. Dealing with the emotional ties of letting go of the past. Facing droughts and trying to save my precious garden. The fires added another challenge. There were many sleepless nights during that time. Then the restrictions of COVID, which meant spending more time home-based than I wanted to. None of those things in isolation are earth shattering. However, when they come one after the other, the pressure mounts, the cracks show.

So, as I approach year-end, I have two more big tests to face. The 5th anniversary of Richard’s death on December 8. Our wedding anniversary December 16. I feel this year they’ll be much easier because of the year it’s been. 

Every day when I walk by this tree in 2021 I’ll say thank you for reminding me that no matter what, if I believe and I have hope I’ll survive. Nature is a brilliant teacher and a great healer, if you just take the time to look and to relate. ♥️♥️♥️

The Book of Me

Life has a way of steering us in the right direction if we are open to trusting our inner voice and if we have the courage to ‘just do it’.. 

I’ve been on an enormous personal journey over the last three years and nine months. It has almost been overwhelming. At other times it’s been enlightening. In the last two weeks I’ve understood how far away from my true self I’ve been for such a long time. I guess that’s a symptom of living with someone else. Over time ‘me’ becomes ‘we’ and the ‘me’ adapts to that. Often in that process we lose some of who we are as individual people. That said, I wouldn’t have changed any of my past life for anything. But for us to move on we need to find us again. That’s difficult because it’s like a rebirth. 

I think of it as being like the cicada breaking out of its shell. After 2 - 17 years (underground), cicadas emerge from the ground as nymphs. Nymphs climb the nearest tree and begin the process of shedding their nymph exoskeleton. Free of their old skin, their wings will inflate with fluid and their adult skin will harden. Once their new wings and body are ready, they can begin their adult life.They transition from one life to the next. That’s what those dealing with grief have to do. It is what I’ve been doing; transitioning. I’ve a little way to go but I’m almost there. 

Which brings me to my new home. The moment I walked in the front door I knew I was home. Even my brother commented on that. I committed to buy within 15 minutes the connection was so strong. I believe in the influence of numbers and my new house number is 10 which converts to a 1 number. The 1 home is a place to show independence. I’ve always been independent. But the rest is interesting & explains my immediate connection. 

It’s all about “#1” the 0 softens the harsher edges of 1 and 1 energy promotes innovation, individuality, ambition, drive and leadership. 

People who live in a 10 home will be encouraged to keep their independence. Living in a number 10 home also teaches them about self-confidence, about courage, determination, and most importantly falling forward. 

I like the falling forward bit...it’s an adaption from John Maxwell’s “failing forward’. The hardest step is always the first one. Fear of failing is something all of us are challenged by. But, we can’t let fear be the excuse. It’s proceeding despite it. This is the scariest thing I’ve ever done but knowing where I’m going has made it feel less fearful. 

And losing someone batters your self-confidence and courage. Which has been a real challenge for me as someone who has always been confident and taken risks. When Richard died I ended up the exact opposite very quickly. It’s one of the reasons why I needed to move.

In Feng Shui a 10 home symbolises the energy of new beginnings, a freshness, an open and unobstructed flow. That’s perfect. My new home is all about openness and free flow. 

I have to drive by a memorial garden to get to my new home. I will put Richard to rest there. He can’t live in the bookcase forever. I had his ashes put into 2 urns when he died. My plan was to take one back to the UK to be with his mum & dad. But I’m not doing that now. One will go into the memorial garden. One we’re scattering off Rainbow Beach at sunset. There will be bubbles (Pol Roger his favourite) sharing the most wonderful memories and lots of laughter. I know he will always be close by keeping a watchful eye. 

Someone whose opinion I’ve learnt to value said yesterday, “The fact that it is a ‘you’ place and a whole new life spins off from there must be really energising.” It is. Now I understand why I had such an immediate connection. It will be where I become me again. It’s also such a relief to know that my little fur ball and I won’t be homeless. We’ve only a week between settling on our current home and our new one. I know Aslan will love it. 

So on October 15 when I pick up the keys, I will finally close the chapters on one book, open the door and start writing the first chapter of my new book. 

The Book of Me 

Facebook Memories

I love Facebook memories but they can confront. Particularly when they’re reminders of sad times and the loss of loved ones.  At other times I sit and shake my head and say to myself, “What on earth was that about!” This morning a photo of Richard (one of my favourites) along with this message popped up in my memories feed. 

“It’s been 15-weeks today since Richard passed away. It was close to this time in fact around 9:35am. I still can not believe that he won’t be back. But at least I have lovely pics like this to remind me of him. He was never happier than sitting in the pub on a chilly winters days in the company of friends & family.”

Do you know the lovely thing about this? I could look at that photo and read what I wrote and not burst into tears. I smiled and had a silent chuckle about that day at the Still & West in Old Portsmouth. 

In 2016 when people told me that would happen I never believed them. But it does. It’s doesn’t mean the hole left in a heart ever mends. I doesn’t. But, at some point you find a place of peace, the pain eases and you give thanks for the happy memories. For me (thankfully) there were many. That is why creating happy memories is so very, very important. 

Sanober Khan wrote in the Turquoise Silence. 

Some winters will never melt

Some summers will never freeze

And some things will only live in poems.

And for some of us some things will only live on in memories. Treasure them.