Life can be hard and conflicting. Whilst some are rejoicing in a new life, others are dealing with death. Or trying to come to terms with what is ahead. It is in moments like this that we ask so many questions.
Why did they take my husband?
Why am I the one left to cope with this?
I wasn’t prepared for this. Why me?
How can I face life on my own? I’m not ready!
There are so many whys. We simply don’t know what the answers are and so we do our best to figure out how to deal with it. We often have to battle resentment toward those who appear to have everything. We doubt ourselves. Worst of all, it is so very easy to take on the mantle of victim. Why me? Why am I left here? Why do I have to suffer the pain of loss? If we aren’t careful and without being aware of it, why and I become our Victim Shield. When we are in that space, it’s very hard to be positive about anything.
I’ve been in a bit of dark space these last few days. Not because of my loss, I’ve learnt to deal with that and have a good life now. It is a loss that is to come, that of a much loved nephew who is entering the final stages of terminal cancer. I’ve asked the why question many times. Why him, why them? He still has half his life ahead of him. I also know what his equally loved wife is facing. Thinking about this has surfaced the dark days of dealing with my husband’s death, albeit his was very sudden. When I find myself in places like this, I find solace on my beach.
I live on the east coast of Australia. We are currently witnessing the aftermath of the underwater volcano eruption off Tonga along our shores. When I was watching the surf yesterday, I was reminded the reality is life is full of ebbs and flows just like the oceans. And when things happen, particularly when we aren’t prepared for them, it’s so easy to put up the Victim Shield. That is exactly what I had been doing since hearing the news from my nephew. The endless why me? Why our family again? Haven’t we lost enough already? How am I going to cope with another loss? Me, me, me!
But the ocean will settle again just as we all will despite what we believe. Why? Because everything in life is temporary. Nothing is permanent. Life itself is temporary, and why should we be spared from loss when others aren’t? The pain and fear I was experiencing these last few days will be temporary.
Whilst sometimes in life, things happen that seem unfair, inexplicable or challenging. If we can find the courage to open our hearts and minds and acknowledge we’re being guided to our destiny and that certain experiences are necessary for our growth, then there is the glimmer of hope that we will emerge stronger and better equipped to help others. That’s what life is really all about, helping each other. That helps us find our purpose and meaning in death.
