Yesterday a meme was shared with my support group. It read:
“The death of a spouse or partner is different than other losses in the sense that it literally changes every single thing in your world going forward. When your spouse dies, the way you eat changes. The way you watch TV changes. Your friend circle changes (or disappears entirely). Your family dynamic/life changes (or disappears entirely). Your financial status changes. Your job situation changes. It effects your self-worth, your self-esteem, your confidence, the way you breathe and your mentality. Your brain function changes. Have you heard of the term ‘widow brain’? If you don’t know what that is, count yourself very lucky. Your physical body, your hobbies and your interests change. Your sense of security. Your sense of humour. Your sense of womanhood or manhood. EVERY, SINGLE THING CHANGES. You are handed a new life that you never asked for and that you don’t particularly want. It is the hardest, most gut-wrenching, horrific, life-altering of things to live with.”
I am sharing this in my blog for no other reason than perhaps it will help others to understand what losing a life partner is like. Until I was faced with it myself I had no idea.
My brother and I were talking on the topic this week. He is battling losing a son in tragic circumstances nine months ago. We both said we wished we had understood the enormity of what people face before I had to learn the hard way. If we had, we would have been more understanding and a better son and daughter when our mum died. We would have been a better brother and sister-in-law when my sister died. Even better friends when others have lost husbands and wives. We won’t make the same mistakes again.
I’m one of the fortunate ones. I’ve not had to deal with financial challenges but I have experienced everything else. It can overwhelm. It is even harder when death is sudden and unexpected as it was in my case because we have no time to plan or to prepare ourselves.
Life experiences teaches us something if we bother to take the time to understand what the lesson is. As a deeply private person learning to open up and to share experiences has been one of the lessons for me. So if sharing this it helps just one person to be more understanding and supportive then sharing has been worthwhile.
