I've just finished reading "Man's Search For Meaning" by Dr Viktor E. Frankl. Dr Frankl was a holocaust survivor. His story is remarkable on so many levels.
There are a couple of points he makes in his book that resonate with me. He describes how he felt when he entered Auschwitz. He was stripped of everything even the hair from his body. Naked, vulnerable and exposed.
I understand that feeling not from a physical perspective but mentally. It's how I feel in trying to cope with grief and the resultant emotions not experienced before.
But Dr Frankl goes on the describe how he coped.
In one of his darkest moments the thoughts and mental images of his wife sustained him and he wrote. "I understood how a man who has nothing left in this world still may know bliss, be it only for a brief moment, in the contemplation of his beloved. In a position of utter desolation, when man cannot express himself in positive action, when his only achievement may consist in enduring his sufferings in the right way—an honorable way—in such a position man can, through loving contemplation of the image he carries of his beloved, achieve fulfillment. For the first time in my life I was able to understand the meaning of the words, “The angels are lost in perpetual contemplation of an infinite glory.”
Isn't that beautiful. Sadly his wife was one of the ones who were so cruelly taken. She died in the gas chamber. He wasn't aware of that at the time but he commented later even if he was he still would have found fulfilment remembering her love.
What he saw and what he suffered is beyond my real understanding. He talked of how people in the camps became completely desensitised to suffering. He worked in labour camps and also medical awards. He talks of what people did. Terrible things but he didn't judge them. Instead he said, "No man should judge unless he asks himself in absolute honesty whether in a similar situation he might not have done the same."
I try to do that. I don't always succeed but I try.
There is one piece in his book which is very relevant to me. It's the reason why a friend suggested I read the book.
Frankel tells the story of an old man who comes to him seeking solace, completely distraught over the loss of his beloved wife, to whom he was married for many years. Frankel asks him how his wife would have coped had he been the first to go. The old man replies that she would have been completely devastated and likely unable to go on. “Then you have done her a great service.” Frankel tells the man, “By outliving
her, you have spared her the unbearable pain of losing you.”
Family and friends have expressed similar in reflecting on the passing my husband. I suspect I'm not the only one who feels guilt for living when a loved one has gone before us. Perhaps the answer is in Dr Frankl's inspiring words. Whilst we suffer perhaps we have spared our loved ones. Something to think about.
