The Influence of Numbers in Our life

When a partner dies we never believe we will be able to live again. I know I thought that way. But time and our approach and most importantly the positive influences in our lives proves otherwise for most of us. Yesterday was one of those major turning point for me. What strikes me is the influence of the number 6 and the impact that is having on my life. 

Anniversaries, following the death of a loved one are never easy. Yesterday, being my birthday was the first anniversary day of the 6th year. 

I’ve never been that into celebrating events, but Richard was. He always made a big deal out of my birthday. The last five years I’ve dreaded my birthday and usually spent the day by myself having a good old sob. Or putting on a brave face until I could escape back to the sanctuary of home and then feeling utterly miserable. 

But yesterday, being the 6th without him, was completely the opposite. I had a great day with not one hint of sadness. Just brilliant company, fabulous food and wine, and lots of laughs. Not one tear was shed, and I just thought that Richard would have loved the day. 

So, where does 6 come into it? Well, it’s the 6th birthday without him. April 17: I’m moving into my number 6 house. April is the 4th month; add 4,1,7 = 12 div by 2 = 6. 

The number 6 is the most harmonious and caring number. It projects the attributes of charm (I might have to work on this one 😊), amity, love, care, compassion, friendship, insight, health, beauty. It is the only number that has more positive qualities and less negative qualities when compared to any other number. 

A house number 6 promotes the artistic expression of the dweller. It’s the perfect home for people who love cooking (I’ve just got back into that) painting, writing and music (my passions). Dwellers also like symmetry and refinement. 

I have a good life and I’m very grateful for what I have. However, since Richard died, there’s always that black cloud hanging above. On anniversary days that’s when it’s the blackest. After yesterday I feel that cloud is not so black, and it’s moved higher up and that is such a great feeling. 

I can’t wait to see how the rest of year six turns out and I just know it’s going to be fabulous.

Finding The Artists of the Spirit

 Last week a friend posted this. It happens to be one of my favourite pieces. 

“I have learnt to surf the waves of anguish which roll through, the waves now less frequent and less intense.” 

It’s a beautiful statement that was written by Monica Zwolsman when telling her story of being widowed twice and facing the death of her 16-month-old son. Her book is well worth a read. 

Monica prefaced her waves statement in saying. “Of course the deep sorrow and horror of my past never go away and it is always lurking in the neighbourhood of my mind. But I have learnt to surf the waves of anguish which roll through, the waves now less frequent and less intense.” 

I resonate with that. She is right; the waves do become less frequent and intense, but now and then they do rise and viciously crash over me. This is one of those weeks. It’s a combination of several things, but mainly the fact that I’m about to embark on another major life change. Another one that Richard won’t share. With each change, the threads to my past life become ever more fragile and thin as the chapters of my new life are written. 

So in search of motivation I found this beautiful piece written by ~ Joshua Loth Liebman. 

“The melody that the loved one played upon the piano of your life will never be played quite that way again, but we must not close the keyboard and allow the instrument to gather dust. We must seek out other artists of the spirit, new friends who gradually will help us to find the road to life again, who will walk the road with us.”

So what does finding my artists of the spirit really mean. After a bit of soul searching and exploring, this is what it means to me. 

When we dig deeper into our being, we understand that we have so many pressures in life. It’s understandable that many of us feel overwhelmed, pushed and pulled. It’s not only by the pressures we place on ourselves, but it’s by the emotions and manipulations of others. When that happens, we get out of balance; we’re not centred. That’s when we stray, off course. With that, we give or leak our power, away. 

When that happens we lose our energy. That makes us tired, unmotivated and even afraid. If this goes on long enough, we become sick and even depressed. We don’t always speak our truth because we are afraid we’ll lose love and connection. But in not doing so, we often lose the love and connection with ourselves. 

On reflection, finding the artists of the spirit is about finding ourselves. Taking back our power and speaking our truth. Cleansing our souls and our surroundings of negativity. It is about our deeper spirituality. The spirituality of how we live life day by day, moment by moment. It is the way we do what we do and the energy, quality, sincerity, determination, attention, character we carry for living our life. The foot prints and energy we leave as we go. 

I said to a friend last week that I wanted to get back to a simple life. That means the connection of body, mind, energy and spirit. Combining the four elements air, fire, water and earth.

The Element of Air represents our mental body - our mind, thinking, perceptions and analysing. 

The Element of Fire represents energy and our energetic body. The action of fire is about movement–in body, mind, energy and life.

The Element of Water represents our emotional body. The action of water is opening, flow and fluidity. 

The Element of Earth represents our physical body and the action of earth is supporting and nourishing ourselves - inside and out.

Today I took the first step in creating my new environment. I went down to my new home and burnt white sage to purify the place and cleanse it of negative energy. I will at least start with a clean slate. Exploring my artists of the spirit will be a fascinating journey. 

MY NEW TREE - I’VE NAMED HER FAITH

I spied this tree on the walk to Rainbow Beach. It reminds me of the last 12-months. Doing major things on your own and facing enormous challenges on your own isn’t easy. Especially when you haven’t had to do that ever in your life. 

When I spied this tree, it reminded me of my last 12-months. Settling in to a new community and making new friends. Dealing with the emotional ties of letting go of the past. Facing droughts and trying to save my precious garden. The fires added another challenge. There were many sleepless nights during that time. Then the restrictions of COVID, which meant spending more time home-based than I wanted to. None of those things in isolation are earth shattering. However, when they come one after the other, the pressure mounts, the cracks show.

So, as I approach year-end, I have two more big tests to face. The 5th anniversary of Richard’s death on December 8. Our wedding anniversary December 16. I feel this year they’ll be much easier because of the year it’s been. 

Every day when I walk by this tree in 2021 I’ll say thank you for reminding me that no matter what, if I believe and I have hope I’ll survive. Nature is a brilliant teacher and a great healer, if you just take the time to look and to relate. ♥️♥️♥️

The Book of Me

Life has a way of steering us in the right direction if we are open to trusting our inner voice and if we have the courage to ‘just do it’.. 

I’ve been on an enormous personal journey over the last three years and nine months. It has almost been overwhelming. At other times it’s been enlightening. In the last two weeks I’ve understood how far away from my true self I’ve been for such a long time. I guess that’s a symptom of living with someone else. Over time ‘me’ becomes ‘we’ and the ‘me’ adapts to that. Often in that process we lose some of who we are as individual people. That said, I wouldn’t have changed any of my past life for anything. But for us to move on we need to find us again. That’s difficult because it’s like a rebirth. 

I think of it as being like the cicada breaking out of its shell. After 2 - 17 years (underground), cicadas emerge from the ground as nymphs. Nymphs climb the nearest tree and begin the process of shedding their nymph exoskeleton. Free of their old skin, their wings will inflate with fluid and their adult skin will harden. Once their new wings and body are ready, they can begin their adult life.They transition from one life to the next. That’s what those dealing with grief have to do. It is what I’ve been doing; transitioning. I’ve a little way to go but I’m almost there. 

Which brings me to my new home. The moment I walked in the front door I knew I was home. Even my brother commented on that. I committed to buy within 15 minutes the connection was so strong. I believe in the influence of numbers and my new house number is 10 which converts to a 1 number. The 1 home is a place to show independence. I’ve always been independent. But the rest is interesting & explains my immediate connection. 

It’s all about “#1” the 0 softens the harsher edges of 1 and 1 energy promotes innovation, individuality, ambition, drive and leadership. 

People who live in a 10 home will be encouraged to keep their independence. Living in a number 10 home also teaches them about self-confidence, about courage, determination, and most importantly falling forward. 

I like the falling forward bit...it’s an adaption from John Maxwell’s “failing forward’. The hardest step is always the first one. Fear of failing is something all of us are challenged by. But, we can’t let fear be the excuse. It’s proceeding despite it. This is the scariest thing I’ve ever done but knowing where I’m going has made it feel less fearful. 

And losing someone batters your self-confidence and courage. Which has been a real challenge for me as someone who has always been confident and taken risks. When Richard died I ended up the exact opposite very quickly. It’s one of the reasons why I needed to move.

In Feng Shui a 10 home symbolises the energy of new beginnings, a freshness, an open and unobstructed flow. That’s perfect. My new home is all about openness and free flow. 

I have to drive by a memorial garden to get to my new home. I will put Richard to rest there. He can’t live in the bookcase forever. I had his ashes put into 2 urns when he died. My plan was to take one back to the UK to be with his mum & dad. But I’m not doing that now. One will go into the memorial garden. One we’re scattering off Rainbow Beach at sunset. There will be bubbles (Pol Roger his favourite) sharing the most wonderful memories and lots of laughter. I know he will always be close by keeping a watchful eye. 

Someone whose opinion I’ve learnt to value said yesterday, “The fact that it is a ‘you’ place and a whole new life spins off from there must be really energising.” It is. Now I understand why I had such an immediate connection. It will be where I become me again. It’s also such a relief to know that my little fur ball and I won’t be homeless. We’ve only a week between settling on our current home and our new one. I know Aslan will love it. 

So on October 15 when I pick up the keys, I will finally close the chapters on one book, open the door and start writing the first chapter of my new book. 

The Book of Me 

Facebook Memories

I love Facebook memories but they can confront. Particularly when they’re reminders of sad times and the loss of loved ones.  At other times I sit and shake my head and say to myself, “What on earth was that about!” This morning a photo of Richard (one of my favourites) along with this message popped up in my memories feed. 

“It’s been 15-weeks today since Richard passed away. It was close to this time in fact around 9:35am. I still can not believe that he won’t be back. But at least I have lovely pics like this to remind me of him. He was never happier than sitting in the pub on a chilly winters days in the company of friends & family.”

Do you know the lovely thing about this? I could look at that photo and read what I wrote and not burst into tears. I smiled and had a silent chuckle about that day at the Still & West in Old Portsmouth. 

In 2016 when people told me that would happen I never believed them. But it does. It’s doesn’t mean the hole left in a heart ever mends. I doesn’t. But, at some point you find a place of peace, the pain eases and you give thanks for the happy memories. For me (thankfully) there were many. That is why creating happy memories is so very, very important. 

Sanober Khan wrote in the Turquoise Silence. 

Some winters will never melt

Some summers will never freeze

And some things will only live in poems.

And for some of us some things will only live on in memories. Treasure them. 

This Is NOT OK!!!!

The Australian’s Greg Sheridan wrote a powerful piece today. They headed it “In face of racist terror, we are all Muslims today.” 

The mere reference ‘we are all Muslims today’ inflamed many. Despite it being a reference to solidarity. As a result, people ignored the key points. That is all too often the case today. 

Greg Sheridan said, “You get attention on the net by being more extreme, more emotional, more foul-mouthed, than the next fellow.” That comment is true, and it should concern all of us. The change in many people over the years has been stark. People who were engaging and polite are now some of the most abusive and foul-mouthed I’ve come across. The level of hate expressed is alarming the tribe behaviour most times out of control. I can understand how nutcases like Brenton Tarrant prosper in environments like that when I see ordinary people (mums, dads, grandparents) being turned into hate-filled abusers. 

I read Tarrant’s manifesto last night. I don’t believe he was the original author of much of the content. It appeared obvious he’d cut and pasted a lot. but, it was chilling reading. There are people out there who would be motivated to act based on what he posted just as the words of others inspired him. It’s terrifying. 

Far too often the words used to describe mass murderers becomes the key focus rather than dealing with the actions. There was a comment posted thanking Greg Sheridan for not referring to Tarrant as a right-wing extremist unlike and to quote, “our unintelligent Prime Minister did.” These same people erupt when Muslim terrorists are not named Muslim terrorist or extremists. Well they can’t have it both ways. It’s obvious Brenton Tarrant is a far-right extremist. Well done to the Prime Minister for saying that. We have to get our heads out of the sand and deal with the reality. 

Every time something like this massacre happens we say let their deaths not be in vain. Every time we say something has to be done but nothing ever changes. Why? Because it’s people who spread hate and division. The questions we never ask as a society is why people think it’s OK to behave like a pack of foul-mouth feral animals on the Internet? What impact is this behaviour having on the mental welfare of people? Why as a society are we not standing up on mass and saying this is NOT OK!!!

Animal Totems: The Spirit of the Kookaburra

When we lose someone close to us, in particular our partners, it’s only natural we look for signs. Signs that their spirit is still around and watching over us.

I’ve always believed in signs but now they have a much deeper meaning for me. I’m blessed to have received many. Red Robin’s are synonymous with signs and many speak of Robin’s in a garden as messengers from the spirit world. Alias where I live, we don’t have Robin’s but I am blessed to have many birds in my garden among them six Kookaburra’s. These are four of them; Mum, Dad and two adorable kids.

Now my garden is well established my Kookies spend most their day snacking on the many delights on offer; insects and worms. My garden offers them both a haven and an abundant feeding ground. But I also receive something in return. Perhaps the stories of old explain why.

Aboriginal legend says the kookaburra’s infamous songs of laughter each morning is a sign for the sky people to light the great fire that illuminates and warms the earth by day, the sun. King Kookaburra is a sun god of sorts and bursts with male energy. There is an opposite element assigned to the kookaburra as rain and creeks become the Kookaburras day spa they love the water.

With fire and water at the heart of the kookaburra’s spirit, this animal totem is a powerful one, bringing change and sentimental memories to the forefront of our lives. The kookaburra is a healer, a healer of the past, helping to close and open new and old doors in our lives. He is not the bringer of change but the orchestra to accompany you on your new journeys of the self.

The grief journey is the loneliness journey many of us will ever have to take. I find a level of comfort to think my beautiful little Kookies are accompanying me on my journey. I feel it’s fitting they call my garden their home.