I am having one of those sit in the corner and
cry my eyes out days. They creep up on me every so often. I can only put on a
brave face for so long regardless of how positive I try to be. Things happen
that trigger emotional responses, I had one of those last night. It's usually
because of something someone has done or said. What follows a trigger
moment is lack of sleep because I spend endless hours mulling things over. Because
I am more emotional now than at any point my life I find tiredness
increases my vulnerability. But such is the journey I am on.
My melancholy mood wasn’t helped by a question that
was asked on my woman’s forum this morning. A beautiful picture was posted and,
we were asked to share what it meant to us. Some of the replies were so sad but
so beautiful they set me off again. But, that inspired me to summarise what
many within the group shared.
We were some of the lucky ones who found our
soulmates. That is a two-edged sword. On one hand, we were blessed to enjoy a
life with someone so special. However, the sharp edge is the excruciating pain
of losing them. From time to time that is so unbearable you struggle to
breathe. I know I do. Time itself does not change that.
On the positive side most of us are getting on
with life and trying to make the best of it. To a large degree we are
succeeding. However, when you have spent more than half of your life with
someone you love more than life itself you don’t just ‘get over it’. In
forging our new life we often push into the background deep seated feelings of
isolation, abandonment, loneliness, loss, and hurt. Not just because of feeling
abandoned by those we loved. We often feel abandoned by others. Triggers unlock the door and force us to deal
with all this emotion. So I make no apology for owning up to my cry
days. They are vital in helping me heal. Cry days are part of
who I am now. Whilst there are less of them than there were I suspect
they’ll always be there.
People have told me I have the ability
to express what others think but have difficultly saying. So I’m
saying this for all those who can’t. Let’s love who we are our vulnerabilities
and all. If others don’t understand who are anymore they don’t deserve to be
part of our family or our friends. Perhaps they never did and it has taken
grief to show us that. If we walk away from them we need not apologise. Our
partners would defend us to the hilt when they were with us. They will give us
the courage to walk away now rather than suffer more hurt at the hands of
someone else.
Always remember crying isn't a sign we are going
downhill. Becoming upset is actually a sign we are going up hill. It's a steep
hill, but we will make it. Some say tears are liquid love. I believe more importantly
they are great release valves and they often give us the courage to move on.
It's Important to be Kind to
Ourselves
